The Blue In You
by angel-leigh
Summary: [YuiNak] Return to Seiryuu's camp and discover all the unsaid feelings between a miko and her most trusted seishi. . .


**Author's Notes: **This fic is based on the anime series alone basically because in my opinion the anime was much more open for a YuiNak pairing(the fact that Nak was only thinking about his mom when he died). I'll try to be as canon to the anime as possible and I'm writing this story in the way how I truly believe the characters of Yui and Nakago were thinking but since I am a solid YuiNak shipper and considering that I have not written anything in ages, I' know I'll be sounding OOC at many times but please do bear with me. Lastly, reviews are always appreciated. Thank you all in advance.

This story is dedicated to all YuiNak lovers especially to _Crystal Dragonfly _and _obsessed dreamer. _Though I've had decided to write a YuiNak story one day, it was their request that finally made up my mind.

**Disclaimer: **Fushigi Yuugi and all its characters are properties of Yuu Watase. The title of the fic and the lyrics written is taken from an episode in a Korean sitcom, New Non-Stop.

**Prologue**

_I close my eyes_

_You disappear with the light_

_And darkness approaches_

_In that blue darkness_

_Why are you still falling asleep?_

_When the world is still with you?_

_And even if it's not love between us_

_The darkness disappears. . ._

Tamahome. I was thinking about Tamahome as I crossed a busy Tokyo street. A few months ago, I couldn't understand how he – a mere character from a book – managed to cross over into our real world. But it was his love for my best friend that made the once-in-a-lifetime miracle happed.

And yet today. . . Today, he again defied the laws of time and space, destroyed the boundaries between reality and fantasy and proved the power of his love.

"Finally, finally we meet."

These words had sent Miaka crying before flying into Tamahome's waiting arms. Gently, lovingly, he had gathered her in his embrace as Keisuke, Tetsuya and I watched the happy reunion.

Crossing another street, I caught a reflection of myself from a mirrored window shop. But the blue eyed girl with medium-length blond hair that stared back at me didn't at all look like the Hongou Yui I was, the Seiryuu no miko who had lived inside the book called 'The Universe of the Four Gods.' Her eyes held none of the resentment nor the pain that had been mine.

And yet even if I may look different now, I realized some feelings remained the same. . .

Reaching my destination, I stopped before a familiar building. For the first time after many months, I wondered again what would have happened if events happened differently on that day Miaka and I came to this library. Would Miaka still be Suzako no miko or would another girl be choosen as Konan's savior? If it was, Tamahome would have fallen in love with somebody else and so instead of appearing before Miaka today, Tamahome would have been reunited with someone else.

Tamahome. . . Tamahome. . .

The moment I saw him today, I felt my heart reacting. And during that moment of a heartbeat, I again felt that undeniable attraction I always had for him. But even though my heart was pounding, I was still happy to see him reunited with my best friend. And today for the first time, I was able to watch them kiss and had not felt as though my heart was tearing up inside. I actually even smiled as I watched them for if there was one thing I've learned from my unrequited love, it was that Tamahome and Miaka were meant to be. . .

Tamahome. . . He's just a character from a book, a mythical being but I had liked him, just like Miaka, from the very moment I saw him. . . Tamahome. Inside the book, confused by pain and jealousy, I did everything to steal him away from my own best friend. . . And in the end, it was also him, Tamahome, who ended my fate inside the book. He ended everything for me when he had put a fist through the chest of my last seishi. . .

A million times I had relived that moment in my dreams. The moment when the blond soldier who held my hand through endless nights filled with nightmares while he soothed me with comforting promises had closed his blue eyes forever.

Nakago. . . No betrayal could compare to what he did and yet his death caused me the most unbearable pain of all. From the very second he closed his eyes into oblivion, a dull ache had seized my very soul and all through these past months, that ache persisted and even continued to grow. For even after all that he did, when I close my eyes at night, only his gentleness remained with me. In my dreams, all the lies were lost and there was only memories of a soft touch. . . a caring voice. . .

"_Yui-sama," _a voice, low and gentle, seemed to suddenly whisper in my ear. Through my peripheral vision, I saw my earring – Nakago's earring – flashing. In this early twilight, its blue light was unmistakable.

Just then the sky began to darken with foreboding. A light breeze passed and I felt myself tremble. Like someone trapped in a nightmare, I stood there as dark clouds hovered above me. I stared at those clouds and began to remember that day inside the book – the day I first came to Kutou – when the clouds were just like they were now. How could two skies, worlds and centuries apart, looked so much alike? And as the first drop of rain fell upon my cheek, I couldn't help but remember the last time the rain touched my skin the same way. It was that same day in Kutou. . . After losing consciousness, a drop of rain brought me back to reality and I had opened my eyes to find the bluest of eyes staring deeply into my own.

Raising my hand to touch my earring, I thought of those eyes. Eyes so cold and always guarded. But when those eyes haunt me at night, I can almost see the emotions just below the surface.

"_Yui-sama," _the same voice continued to whisper in my ear as strong arms seemed to encircle my waist. And it could be my imagination but suddenly I felt warm breathing in my ear. With every breath, invisible lips pressed the smallest of kisses against my temple.

The rain began to pour in heavy drops but I continued to stand where I was. I felt as if I was catapulted back in time and suddenly I was the Hongou Yui inside the book again. Inside the book, it was always raining – especially during those first three months. But while the world outside grew cold, inside my room warm arms held me close.

"_Yui-sama." _It was the voice I would recognize anywhere. A voice as familiar to me as my own heartbeat. The voice that had whispered hope when I had none. The voice that promised me eternal comfort and love. . .

"_. . . I love you. . . "_

Closing my eyes, I braced my arms around myself. I was suddenly shivering. But it was not because of the cold; the memory of those words and the kiss that sealed them had shocked me so. I can still remember it all too vividly. And I know that if I just close my eyes, I would still be able to feel that soft, sensuous mouth as it gently molded itself to my own.

But I knew now that that kiss and all the feelings in them were lies. All of them, the promises and warmth, were all pretenses. And yet. . . and yet. . . when he looked at me at that time, his eyes had never been as sincere. . . his arms never had been as warm. . .

"_Yui-sama. . . I love you. . . "_

A single tear began to course down my cheek.

Oh why had I come here? I should have known better.

Just this morning I told Miaka that I could never hate Nakago no matter what may have happened and that I was keeping his gift that I may not repeat his mistakes. But the truth was, it was my own mistakes that continue to haunt me. . . And even if Miaka may have forgiven my sins, my mistakes, I know I would never ever forgive myself – never ever forget.

And my biggest mistake was to have let confusion and pain cloud the true feelings in my heart. I had made myself believe I wanted Tamahome when the truth was I only longed for the best friend whom I made myself believe I hated. In the end, it was good that it had not been too late to reconcile with Miaka.

Inside the book, Tamahome had made my heart pound in a wild and frantic rhythm and because of it I never recognized that even without him, my heart had always been pounding. An achingly, compelling beat. . .

"_. . . I'll always be here for you. . . "_

Another tear spilled down my cheek. I did not make an effort to wipe it away; instead I only took a step backwards.

Inside the book, almost every night I had cried myself to sleep and because of it I never noticed the peaceful happiness deep in my soul that almost puts a small smile on my lips when I wake up each morning. . .

"_. . . I am your seishi and you'll always be my miko. . . "_

Feeling as if my heart was shattering, I took yet another step backwards.

Inside the book, I needed so much reassurance that I believed every word Nakago said and all the while, never admitting to myself that there may be a reason why I always had to believe him - why I always needed - wanted- to believe him. . .

_". . . __I love you. . . "_

I turned and began to run then, my tears now freely flowing from my eyes. I felt cold and my tears blinded me but I continued to run. Running like I never ran before. Running away from all the memories and these feelings I never really recognize until now. . .

But it was too late. Too late. . .

Rounding a corner, I stopped suddenly as I collided into a hard chest. The man's reflexes were good and quickly he had an arm around my waist, steadying me. And then as if it was the most natural thing in the world and that as if he had done it a thousand of times before, he pulled me closer to his chest. One hand then went to cup around my nape, his fingers gently stroking my wet hair.

I felt my breath caught. There was something infinitely familiar in his embrace. . . and this warm touch. . . this soft and steady heartbeat beneath my ear. . .

Fresh tears came flooding my eyes then. I raised my head and even before my eyes met those ice blue ones, I knew who it was. It was the man I've longed for all these months. The man I needed more than anyone else. The man I actually wanted all along. The man I just now realized I loved. . .

"Nakago."

**Next chapter: **_I close my eyes. . . _Return to the time when Yui first arrived in Kutou. Discover her fright finding herself alone in a foreign land, her despair thinking she had been violated and all those first thoughts of the man who saved her life. Find out in the first chapter, **Ice Blue Eyes.**

**Notes: **The 1st 3 lines of the song is sang by a female, the next 3 by a male. The last 2 lines is sang together by both female and male.


End file.
